IF Today Were My Last Day, What Would I Say?
by writer29
Summary: Spoliers through season 4. What would Sam and Dean have told each other before they died? Sam if he had known, Dean if he had more time at the end Nothing graphic. Please read.
1. Sam's Last Letter

**Slight AU from AHBL 1/2, if you read, you will notice the scence. Just a spur of the moment story. Ok, so there is implied charater death, and relife. Spoliers for AHBL 1/2.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, No I do not own**

Dean had known what he had to do, and once the deal was made (the deal Sammy would never know about) he got back in the Impala and before heading back to Sam he reached into his jacket pocket for the letter he'd found but had not read from Sam. He'd found it when he'd searched for his ID to make the deal at the Crossroads. He opened the envelope addressed to him, from Sam, and began reading Sam's handwriting.

_Hey Dean,_

_You were my brother before you were anything. Nothing could or would change that. Then there was the fire and in an instant you became my protector, and my new mother figure (yea, in a caring way, not a girl way). When dad was so distraught with grief and revenge, you took his place without complaint, giving your childhood up for mine. Since I have been old enough to know you, you were my first word and my best friend. Since you have become my protector, you shelter me, your health before my own. When you saw me wanting out, wanting normal, you held back your own pain and let me go. When you see me wound tight you help me loosen up, life the life I'm sure mom, Jess and dad would have wanted: as myself. When I'm ready to give in, you convince me to keep going, never giving up on me like I often do myself. You call my Sammy (no matter what I say about the name) and secretly I like it and hope you never stop. It means you see the innocence left in me that I fail to see, and it gives me hope. Thank you for allowing me freedom, to be myself. For being my parental figures, my best friend. Thanks for looking out for me, protecting me, for giving me hope. I will always love you and be eternally grateful for you. If you're reading this I'm gone, but you need to keep fighting, be strong, and I'll see you on the other side big brother. Thank you for allowing me to be your brother. You were my brother before everything began, and you'll be my brother when it all comes to an end._

_Love, Your little brother,_

_Sam (Sammy)_

Dean paused, tears running down, he'd never tell Sammy he found this letter, because he'd be gone too soon to dwell on Sam's last requests and words. Besides, he couldn't keep going with Sam, his purpose, his brother.

**---End or Not?--- **

**Should I make a sequal and do a letter to Sam, from Dean. (For what he would say when the deal is due) ?????**

**Also, please review, even if it's to tell me all I did wrong or that it's awful, just to see what people think....  
**

**Chow, Siara (PS, if you want me to continue, it won't take long, I have the letter part already finished and an idea of the rest.../hint, hint/ lol)**


	2. Dean's Last Letter

**This is Dean's letter...**

**Warning: Since the year is up and Dean's deal has came due, spoliers through season 4. Implied character death.**

**Just so you know, this takes place two months after Dean dies, so he has not been brought back yet.**

**Disclaimer: Maybe...nah, wouldn't work...sadly, I do not own anything but my thoughts and spelling errors below if it relates to _Supernatural._**

Sam brushed the demon blood from his mouth and began wondering if he was making the right choice in justifying Dean's death by seeking Lilith. Dean had now been dead for two months and he knew that this was the only way to make it- by seeking and finding the justice. There has to be a reason to continue when he is the only one remaining to defeat Lilith. Dean would have been able to stop her without stooping so low as to have to drink demon blood to defeat her. Too bad Dean cared too much and had not read his letter. Since Dean was no longer around anyhow, Sam walked out to the Impala, the sight making his heart ache to see Dean sitting there, for Dean to smile and say he never died. The car was empty of life and Sam opened the glove compartment to get his letter out, trash it since Dean would never be able to read it anyhow. He found the envelope, but it was different. Instead of his sloppy handwriting he found Dean's own, neater handwriting with _Sammy_ written across the front. A frown crossed his face. He opened it up, finding a letter written from Dean to him.

_Hey Sammy,_

_ You were my brother before anything. Nothing could or would change that. Then there was the fire and you basically became my own child, giving me a reason after mom was gone and dad was the same as lost. I kissed away the hurts, put you to bed with stories with happy endings, of hugs and tucked you in, cheered for you at everything you did. I was and am so proud of you. As you got older, I become a friend and confine. I've protected you the best I can, the only way I know how, not because anyone told or forced me to, but because I wanted to. When you were accepted and offered the full ride and wanted to leave and have normal and safe, my heart broke but I let you go. When I saw you strict law-abiding 'normal people' rules, I helped you loosen up, but you helped to keep me in line. You helped me to become myself and not some soldier. When I feel like a failure to the rest of the world, you there for me just as I would be for you. You keep me from crossing the line set, bending one too many laws, and becoming the monster that we hunt. You help me stay human. Thank you for being my soul, my life, my child, my best friend. Thank you for giving me a purpose, keeping me sane, allowing me to be there for you, not allowing me to cross that final line. I know you will be what keeps me strong, allowing my humanity to remain no matter how twisted I will become in Hell. I want you to know that I do not regret anything at all, except leaving you. I'll never regret this, and I'll always love you Sammy. I was not able to go without you, but I know you can, you're stronger than me. Give my death a purpose, don't risk your life and settle down for that normal you always wanted. Have a wife and those crazy '2.5' kids with a large home, picket fence and minivan (aww man I need a camera view of that, but keep my baby going too). Tell mom and dad hey and I love them after you've been here another 70 years. Well, since you're reading this I guess my deal has come due, but there are no regrets, only the promise of what tomorrow brings for you. Thank you for being my brother. You were my brother before anything began, and you'll be my brother after everything ends._

_Love you Sammy, Your big brother,_

_Dean_

A sob escaped Sam's throat, tears escaped his eye's, because Dean had read his letter. He wasn't sure when, but Dean had now left him with this letter, and Sam could not get Dean back as Dean had done for him. It was as Dean had written back to what he had said in his own letter, but with his own version and tale. He thought of how Dean wanted him to have normal, but it was too late, he had drunk the bitter demon blood. If Dean were not dead, he would have regretted the deal now, now that he knew what Sam had done. He has to do this, he can never be normal after this, but he will not allow his brother's death to be in vein, he will kill Lilith, make sure she regrets ever taking his brother. Just like his dad's soul was freed from Hell and sent to Heaven, he will do that for Dean. And after Dean's soul is in Heaven with his mom and dad and with Jess, he will continue the business until Lilith is dead. Then, he'll stop drink the blood, fade away. He does not think that two sources of demon blood (YED and Ruby) will grant his access to Heaven, no matter how much evil he removes, but at least his family will be at rest, happy; no matter the costs. He could not continue sanely, there would be no peaceful afterlife, but he would know this and have no regrets. Dean could tell his mom and dad for himself and for him. They say that in Heaven there is no pain, so Dean would be happy. Yea, Sam's got a lot of blood to drink and work to do to help his big brother, but it will be worth it.

**---End---**

**So, is Dean's letter just as good or worse? Let me know what you think!**

**Chow, Siara **

**P.S.: Also, I tried replying to everyone, however, I was unable to responde to _killawulf,_ I want to let you know that I appreciate your comment/review. It helped to inspire me to post this. Hope you like this! To everyone who reads: Thank you for taking your time to read this. If you review: thank you! (Did this sound like what Dean would say, was it worth reading, etc...let me know!)**


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